I was alone in my hotel room the evening of 9/11 watching the news and had no other way to express my feelings than to write it on the little notepad by the phone. This journal entry is scribbled on to JW Marriott Hotel Pennsylvania Avenue letterhead. I thought I would put it on my blog, as this is more lasting than 9 little pieces of scrap paper. 9/11 really was one of the most significant days of my life. It changed me and how I percieve this world.
There is an eerie feeling in the city tonight. Listening to the news, I can only imagine what is happening or what the feeling is in New York, as the casualties are ten-fold. The streets are empty here; quite a contrast from when we arrived on Sunday during a Carribean festival. There are sounds of sirens echoing throughout the streets. At 6:00 the homeless have hunkered down for the night, as most building have been closed down and hotels have increased security and nobody else is left on the street.
It has been hard to be here without Ben but now, without his comforting embrace, I almost feel lost. On the hour, there is a bell tower shouting out chimes of gloom throughout the city. The White House is a block and a half away, we were there last night then again this morning, 40 minutes before it was evacuated. The President gives reference to God, yet some survivors claim instinct saved them. How sad. The mothers and fathers that have been lost to this terrible act make me physically sick--those poor children who may not even understand yet. How I wish I could give blood for those injured in teh Pentagon. the images of the fires, the smoke, the ash, the people running.....This is being compared to Pearl Harbor, yet it has yet to be determined how many deaths have occurred--how many more than Pearl Harbor, they say. There is not a single commercial flight above America now--the first time in history.
A newsman was speaking of how our freedom IS NOT being affected by this. My freedom has been affected by this--I can hardly leave my hotel, I cannot go home to my family. I can't even go shopping or to the monuments to focus my energies elsewhere. The images I see on TV are not of America--it is of a war zone far away in the world--it can't be here, so close to me, as small town girl from Utah. I try to imagine working on the 106th floor of any building, let alone the WTC. How they must have felt, perhaps some were looking out the window at the beautiful fall day in NYC and saw their fate coming right at them. How many prayers have gone up to heaven today? President Bush said that the foundations of our greatest buildings may be shaken, but the foundation of freedome WILL NOT BE.
I do not understand how this can even happen--the land of freedom, the great land of America. God knows the plan, he know shte outcome, all is well. I cannot fear.
It is hard to protect agains those who are willing to lose their life for their cause. What is the answer? What do we do? I think I will choose to may my life so that every day I am more grateful fo rthe littl ethings, for our country in which I have been so close to its monuments and its icon of freedome and power, the White HOuse, and for my family who I may be kept from again.
How much of this terrorism will my children or my grandchildren be forced to endure? The world is at such unrest, it almost causes some amount of unrest in your heart. It aches for the families directly affected by these tragedies. It may sound silly and childish, but honestly, why can't everyone get along? Haven't we seen enough people die in the past? Of course, this has forced our government to come together and "get along;" they even broke into the song "God Bless America."
It is sad that tragedies are almost the only thing that REALLY brings people from all different walks of life to a united group. How long will this last? When will the criticizm of the President begin again? Perhaps it already has....
They say that there was a failed attempt heading for DC which crashed in Pennsylvania. Would that have been the time I was on break? I was at the White HOuse. How close was I, and how many thousands of people can't believe how close they are now? Those same people covered in ash, or lying in the hospital, or bleeding, or even trapped under the collapsed buildings, and the children.....
200 of the 400 firefighters that initally went in after the first plane crashed died, so far. Also almost 100 police are missing already. What do you say? How do you explain how you feel about this disaster?
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5 comments:
Thanks for sharing, what a neat thing you did to write down your feelings and experience at that time. I am not a journal writer and of course I regret it.
What a great journal entry to keep forever! We will never forget that day and never forget that our lives could have been affected even more because you could have been one of the ones that we lost. I was worried sick that day, crying to Ben asking if he heard from you and if you were okay. We will never, ever forget!
Thank you Amanda. I still ask those very questions even today. The answers are out there, we just need more folks to go out and find them. Like Angela, I will never forget!
This is heartbreaking, and beautiful, and touching. Thank you for sharing this.
xox
Along with everyone else thanks for sharing. I remember going to school that day and just being so worried for you and hoping you were okay!! This made me cry, but i guess i was to young to really think about it when it happened, but now those memories are coming back and i think of all of those people who lost family members and friends..no one will forget this. Thanks!
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